Ugh, I know.. got a nice little slashing and equation there, right? Haha.. that is my life right now.

I've had a modelmayhem account for a few years now encouraged by the lovely NevaehLleh (idk how to put linked names ..) but due to the events in my life, I've strayed away from setting up model shoots or anything period because I was definitely in no shape to be doing any.. with all my scars and such from my surgeries in 2007, I was a little insecure about it.

However, lately, I got more of my photos up that I had taken, and have been networking with local photographers for some TFCD shoots. I've gotten 2 offers to be in projects both artists are working on. The first is Rich Mohr's "Curves" project, expressing the strengths of women, and I recently got a body painting offer that I'm not sure I'm gonna do yet since I just got it yesterday! Lol, but the Curves project I find interesting and am glad he contacted me.

The other offer I got wasn't completely model related, but I had the look this production company in Peoria, IL wants for this horror film they are going to shoot. The company also does work with showcasing models, going to convention over the states, along with making music videos for artists amongst other things. I'm going to audition for this part this coming Tuesday as long as my work schedule works out, but I'm pretty geeked about it right now even if it does require a little nudity which my boyfriend really doesn't like. I'm kinda sad he's not being very support of it just because of that. After I talked to Jeff, the guy trying to hire me for the part, I felt a lot better about the nudity and believe I can do that. It's a horror film, its not like its gonna be soft porn-ish, but artist. As long as I can act and do well in the film, I believe the promoting of the film will really help me meet the right people to get my name out, plus they've got connections in NYC, LA, Miami, that could all help me. On top of that, I also got an offer to go down to South Florida to promote myself in modeling to get signed. We'll see.

My current problem, though with school... *le sigh*.. I hoped so badly that it had been long enough after my car accident that my brain would be ready for school again. For those of you who don't know my situation, I was in a car vs 18-wheeler accident 5/31/07, and my brain got... scrabbled. I never really got the help I needed to really heal it, I don't think. I had planned to graduate early my senior year, but since I was never able to take my junior finals until registering for my senior year(roughly 3 months after the car accident.. I still could barely walk and I still needed to have 1 more knee and wrist surgery and I was barely 115 pounds opposed to what I was at 140), I ended up failing all but 2 classes for that semester, but that meant I would have to take on a full load for both semesters of my senior year. Since my intelligence was not what it had been, it proved much harder than I dared hope and I spent that whole year doing nothing but studying and having nothing to show for it. I was depressed in school, crying and crying because I couldn't understand why for the first time in my life I was actually studying and doing nothing but failing. It's alright now because I just got my GED in February, so I am where I need to be schooling wise. However, this first semester in college, a year and a half since the accident I am doing no better than what I had been doing my senior year. I can sit in front of my laptop with a blank MS Word up, looking at the information I needed for a paper and sit there for 2-3 hours doing nothing but read this and read that and still have a blank screen. Its funny cause when I look up at the clock, I'm like damn.. I need to go to my next class already. And I have no idea what happened to that time and why nothing got done. I thought when I started ready again that my attention span was coming back.. but I for the life of me can't get information to stick. Writing is particularly hard for me even if its for my own enjoyment. It so me 3 days to right a tiny info for my char, Khaylyn, in Hollow. (Yeah, I went back in hopes that I'd be inspired again since that is where I began to like the notion of writing 8 long years ago.) It makes me said that I've finally got this potentially great character that I can't play to her full potential. I wish there were more people that understood exactly how difficult it is when everything I used to be good at with words is just gone and 6-7 years of developing this art seems like its back to stage 1. *sigh* It's unbelievably frustrating.

When it comes to school right now, I'm like FML. Everything else I'm happy. It was suggested to me to take some Adderal (sp?) to help me consentrate, so I've been trying to get a few pills to check it out. I'm nervous about it because everyone I know that's had to take didn't like how it made 'em feel and who they were on it. So, if it helps, I'll get my own subscription and get my semester finished and get off it sap.

But yeah, that's my life right now.. gotta get back to it.
Be beastly and keep creating!
~Tegan aka Kyra Phoenix